I pick myself up and will my fingers to the keyboard. The white, blank page or more accurately box opens up on the screen. I'm supposed to be adding a new post; at least that's what my mind tells me...."Am I?" I wonder. So what was it I had to write about, talk about....I try to get my thoughts together, as my fingers slowly start moving willingly and more quickly over the letters on the keyboard. It has been a long, long time since I wrote anything here. But I have been thinking many things, pondering, wondering, googling for facts, explanations....how strange that my mind was frantically active in its quest even while my body refused to keep pace. Did I just say "pace"? Forget pace, I just allowed myself to blend into the stuff around the place....a piece of furniture, a wall flower, a curio, a stuffed bear...lying around doing nothing. I cooked, I ate. I ate, I slept. I walked, I sat, I answered the phone, I laughed when I had to, I spoke when I was spoken to; I could well be a robot...hmmm quite a good one, if it weren't for my mind that continued with life on a different plane. I guess that's what maintains equilibrium. Ennui can get you real bad if you don't get the best of it fast.
There's so much I would like to write about, and the only way I can do that is to sit down and write. I just allowed myself to succumb to the bane of erratic and long power cuts which also meant no internet. I suppose it is okay to get bogged down once in a while, provided one can pick oneself up and out of the doldrums too, without any serious implications or repercussions of depression!
On the brighter side I have been working on my cooking blog www.chef-on-the-run.blogspot.in which is all about quick, simple and easy everyday cooking. And then a bit of FB where I maintain a page D Stepladder 2 Hope, with illustrated quotes and such.
I'm looking to many changes in my life, and as I'm not a person who likes changes too much, I guess the waiting and not knowing pulls me down at times. Actually there is a big contradiction in my mind towards change. I get bored of mundane routine in anything and look for changes which I welcome and adapt to quickly and happily. And on the other hand I don't want certain things to change within that old framework!! I resist it, I fight it before I finally settle into and accept it. Is that a bad thing....I don't think so but it certainly makes things complicated!
Anyway for today, there's no inertia and I'm brimming with energy and getting into seriously tackling the writing plans and tasks I have set for myself. I know there will be dips again when I won't have one thought I can translate into words; a writer's block or mental block, whatever. That's how it goes and c'est la vie!
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