I have often heard people at the
helm; in an organisation, or leaders, even parents and spouses, declare, “I’m
in control, don’t worry,” or “We have it under control.” It makes those who
look up to them and trust them feel assured and safe. The question is: Are we
in total control of everything that transpires; everything that occurs in our
lives? Even small things like, a cancelled flight, a traffic jam, the Help going AWOL or a flat
tyre are out of our control. When we have this intense need to ‘control’
everything and come face to face with situations that fall out of our control,
we generally react in an undesirable manner resulting in: bad attitude, anger, and
frustration.
Are we ever in total control? Not
everything comes under our total control. Life consists of matters within our
total control, partially in our control, and totally out of our control and
influence. We can control our diet. We can control our choices in who to be friends with, what social obligations to honor and which relationships to maintain. We can partially control most of our expenses, but
some just come at us like a bolt from the blue. We can control our daily,
monthly, annual expenditure, but medical expenses often shoot out of nowhere. We
can even exercise control over our moods and feelings. We can control whether we
want to be happy or not. There are many areas of control, in lesser or greater
degree. However, often the things beyond our control are the ones that cause us
to be vexed, grieved, or depressed beyond a normal level. Of these emotions,
anger is the most destructive and dangerous one when we lose control of
ourselves and allow the emotion to rule us. Extreme anger can tilt us over the
edge and make us mad with rage, causing us to do things we would never even
think of doing in a calm, sane state of mind.
“Do not be quick in spirit to be
angry or vexed, for anger and vexation lodge in the bosom of fools.” ~Numbers
21:8
How we react in situations out of our
control is what determines the quality of our life. We can get frustrated over
a sudden punctured tyre or a car breakdown or a traffic jam. Our attitude could
be - abuse, rant and rave and perhaps vent our anger by kicking the object of
our ire, namely the car or the offending tyre, or keep calm and think of what
needs to be done, under the circumstances, and take action with a good
attitude. In a traffic jam, fuming does not provide enough power to lift your
vehicle and make it a flying machine. There is a lot more you could do in the
waiting time: relaxing is just one of many other options! Many situations and
circumstances come up in life that are worse than this. How we deal with it
decides whether we get “bitter or better.” I know there are many things that
occur which can be irritating and frustrating. It’s alright to be annoyed,
irritated or frustrated. It is also okay to have an occasional meltdown.
Breaking down does not indicate weakness nor does it indicate incapability. On
the contrary it helps us to bounce back with renewed energy and spirit. What is
corroding is dwelling in a place of frustration and giving it more expression
than it deserves. This affects our attitude in an adverse way. I have learned
that the hard way.
We have our areas of control as
people in positions of administration and authority. This is to maintain
discipline and order. The trouble starts when we begin to rely on our own
strength, knowledge, and understanding to control all things beyond the given
limits of things under our control. The best way to deal with circumstances out
of our control is to do our bit; give it our best shot and leave the rest to
God. Not every untoward incident or situation that occurs is our
responsibility. We do not have to carry that burden of guilt, regret, sorrow,
and anger to a point where it breaks us, or worse ruins us. Giving it to the
Lord is the best way to deal with it. It is good to say, “I’m not going to let
that get to me,” and turn away. This does not mean that we become indifferent
towards things. It means we make a distinction between what is in our control;
how much is in our control, and having done what we could do, submit the rest
to God with faith and trust.
“Trust in the Lord with all your
heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge
him.....Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord....it will be healing to
your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8
When we regularly get upset over
everything that’s not going our way, we suffer more. And often we allow a
molehill to grow into a mountain and weigh us down. Instead “cast your cares”
upon the Lord. Accept what has occurred. Move on.
God is in total control. We may not
understand many things now or even later because God works in mysterious ways. I am
telling you what I have learned. He uses every difficulty, every pain, for our
benefit. He even turns a setback to our advantage. All we need to do is just
trust Him in all things and we can make it through the ups and downs of life
with a better attitude and a better quality of life, if we believe. I choose to
have greater peace, love, joy, and strength rather than anger, bitterness, and
frustrations.
What do you choose?
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