Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Meandering Thoughts.....

Am I a SAD person?

Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family”......(Earl Nightingale)

The end of November normally indicated upbeat moods and a lot of suppressed excitement barely concealed under a calm veneer; but this time it wasn’t that way. I tried unsuccessfully, to kick start the enthusiasm that preceded the coming festive season but all in vain. I continued to be lethargic, despondent, aloof, and even melancholic....and would keep searching the net for winter getaways. I just didn’t want to stay here for Christmas...I wanted to escape to somewhere, where it wouldn’t matter that it’s Christmas and there’s no one home to share and celebrate with you. I wallowed in this miserable feeling from the beginning of November and as it began to dig its tentacles deeper, I decided it was enough. This wasn’t ME.

I don’t host pity-parties and I don’t attend any either. So what was getting to me? I googled ‘pre-wint
er blues’ and came up with the acronym SAD: Season Affective Disorder. According to the article, SAD occurs due to the lack of sunlight. Since sunlight is a great source of Vitamin D, which in turn is important for general well-being, the lack of bright sunny days affects some people, making them feel the way I was feeling. So that’s what it’s all about?! Naah! We still have quite a lot of sunshine around and I am getting my share of natural vitamin D. I’m missing something else. But I’m definitely not a SAD person.

So I snap out of it and decide to learn how to enjoy a festival like Christmas, without decorations, the children and grandchild. Christmas is so much larger than life’s disappointments. In fact, it permeates the depths of the soul and once again revives the grieving spirit with joy. I shall not sail, fly or drive away from life as it is, but celebrate it as I always have....besides it’s too late to change my inherent nature now. Joy doesn’t succumb to SAD!

Did I lose my identity?

Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.” (Luke 6:44)

Many years back, around 1987-88, I realized I was better known or shall we say recognised as Viny’s mom, around the new neighbourhood we had shifted into in Udaipur, Rajasthan. Later on at the school where I taught and in which both the kids studied, I was called “Joy Ma’am” but identified as Ranjit and Vineet’s mother. I found it amusing and often commented on how I had lost my identity to two rascals!!

Just the other day I was contemplating on the verse in the Bible that says “a tree is known by its fruit”(Luke 6:44) and I asked myself if the tree lost its identity to the fruit or was enriched by it. After all a tree is recognised by the fruit it has produced and its worthiness by the quality of that fruit. Putting this into a simple, everyday situation, I believe each family and home rejoices in the worthy achievements of its children, because they do contribute to it in many supportive ways. Yes, I feel blessed, proud, grateful, and honoured to be known as Tintin and Viny’s mom. And I am further blessed to be called Alyssa’s Daadi. My identity is embellished by such references and it endorses the fact that our tree has grown and branched out; reaching for The Light, which is the most important and magical thing a tree needs to nurture and enrich its roots and fruit.

I am blessed abundantly and may you also be gladdened when you lose your identity to your worthy children.....

How do I tell thee?

To me there are three things we should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special”........(Jim Valvano)

I get tongue-tied and at a total loss of words many times. There have been occasions for which I have rehearsed lines I would say, and then when faced with the right time, the cat gets my tongue. Those are the words my mind has coined. Reticence, nervousness, anxiety, fright or any such immense emotion play on the mind and tangle up speech. That’s what happens very often to me. Yet, communication doesn’t end there. When words become inadequate to express feelings tears do the job!

I am moved to tears by happiness and extreme joy. I am moved to tears by anything beautiful; an experience, music, verses, story, movie, happy memories, funny things....Copious tears express anger, frustration, helplessness. Grief and loneliness seldom move me to tears, but the memory of good times in sad moments make me teary yet happy. I’m moved by gratefulness for those precious moments.

When the mind fails, the heart speaks...through tears. Happy, joyous, funny, tickled, angry, helpless, ecstatic tears speak as eloquently and effectively as words.

These are those silent moments of release...of tears or unshed ones, which may or may not be understood. But if you don’t understand my silences, how will you understand my words?



  1. You will get out of your lethargic mood, Khushi. Its just the change of seasons. The harsh winter in the north affects few people.

  2. But oh how you shine as your true self when you blog and pour your thoughts out and reveal your life! I find as the years pass that I am more content and less, for lack of a better word, happy, more wistful than sad.
    I always enjoy my visits here and learning from your words and all you share.

  3. I LOVE your posts, as they are straight from the heart. The last line/question you ended with is simply SUPERB. I feel it, always....One who appreciates, will understand both your words or silence. No special communication is necessary. The love for the beauty of life is one such thing, I feel.

  4. Love what you write!

    P.S.: You are also known as Pali and Manu's very Smart mom-in-law :)

  5. Well expressed.
    I agree with DearHelenHartman.
    Btw Khushi, I have tried to request you as a friend of Facebook, but the search is unable to find you. I think the best thing to do is for you to make the request and I will respond.
    Have a good week.

  6. Rachna
    Thank you so much. I'm over that and it wasn't SAD!

    It's so nice to hear of your personal experience. It is true we change as we move on. Thank you.

    Grateful for your kind words and appreciation. I'm glad you could read what the last line conveyed.

    Thank my dear! Your comment makes me feel so proud of both my daughters-in-law. Thank you!

  7. Ken
    Great to see you here. I do miss your blog posts....I will send you a request from FB, but I think it won't work on a 'Page' which is what I have 'Liked' and have access to. You will have access to my profile only if I send a request to your regular profile....Still, I will send another request and hope it works!

  8. I am going to enjoy Christmas too without the lights and trees....mine is probably the only house without a tree in the neighborhood.

    What is a pity-party?

    On another note Khushi, I hope you had a good time with family visiting you... I think last month?

  9. Life Unordinary

    Thanks. Yes I did enjoy myself thoroughly with my granddaughter and daughter-in-law. They were here for a short time though...just a month!

    By "pity Party" I mean those times when one enjoys wallowing in self-pity and martyrdom...with a fellow martyr or alone....LOL

  10. Khushi, your thoughts may have been meandering but they led you to a beautiful place. There are things beyond words, and those things turn out to be the richest and most valuable.

  11. nothing profound
    You are so right. I do realise that I am in a "beautiful" place as you say. Thank you.

  12. Very well expressed Khushi "if you don’t understand my silences, how will you understand my words" Am sure you can see part of you watching over these silences, and ....words

  13. Thank you Raj. I appreciate your comments.