A time to introspect, laugh and love...it's another New Year!

Unlike previous years, this year did not see me with regrets or longings for what could have been but wasn't; where I could have gone but didn't; what I should have done or could have done but gave up a step too soon. I surprised myself a bit, honestly, by the new perspective and calmness I had as the year softly and silently slipped into my grateful, content and not-so-perfect life. I was in a place of imperfection with peace, acceptance, happiness and faith; and this made things good.

No one but God is perfect and in our journey towards that perfect love and light, we learn to appreciate more, to find peace in tumultous times, to develop better attitudes toward ourselves, and the people we come in contact with. We begin to accept whatever comes our way...the good and the bad... with forbearance and hope. It all sounds like a dreamer's Utopian musings, doesn't it? I assure you it isn't. This is a seeker's account of her experiences. There is pain, there is disappointment; tears; loneliness; anger; frustration; regrets and all the lows that are a part of life. But once you begin to look through the eyes of steadfast faith, hope and trust that "this too shall pass" the cross is lighter. I believe that God is watching out for me and mine. And as we make progress toward our goal, slipping, sliding, falling, He walks along lifting, carrying, prodding us along. I cast my cares on Him and He takes the burden off. So though my cross is heavy sometimes, the burden is light. My heart is lighter. My mind is less prone to worry and I can be grateful and enjoy my life even when the chips are down.

That's how I walk into 2013!

The new year is a harbinger of new beginnings. Beginnings at new places; new faces; of changed weather patterns with Christmas in Summer and a Winter birthday in the month of May! New language, changed food flavours and new inclusions in my diet. Building a new social circle at this stage, learning conversion of a new currency against the rupee (though I know it's not advisable to compare rates of another currency with the rupee, it's depressing!) but old habits die hard, and that's the truth in this respect at least!!

But I raise a toast to new beginnings, to life and its vagaries. Cheers!

The last five months have been a great time of meeting friends and family, some of whom were long lost relatives, 'long time no see' friends and family members. Weddings and festivals are those celebrations that bring people together to renew relations and catch up with the years in between. So it has been a nice time of laughter and fun as we chatted, gossipped (a bit, harmlessly) caught up with each other, compared notes, gorged on good food, drank to everyone's health, shared our joys and divided our sorrows with sharing and caring.

There was good news and bad from all around the world. And one horrifying incident of brutality meted out to a young girl by a group of animals who walked around in men's clothing, rocked my world. It occurred in the capital and the girl died a couple of days before the new year. The act was horrendous and shook the populace out of its indifference and complacency.  The New Year celebrations were not as noisy or raucous in our part of the city but quiet and subdued keeping in mind Nirbhaya, the young girl whose dreams and aspirations were snuffed out because some men decided she shouldn't live.

It remained at the back of my mind even as I sang and smiled, as I stood by the comforting warmth of a barbecue's embers. It was with me as I hugged my family and wished them well. It sits heavy on my heart because a society that doesn't respect its women and children and whose law enforcement agencies cannot protect them, is doomed.

Good cheer and celebrations have followed me into the New Year. There is another wedding in the family in a month from now. Indian weddings are long drawn out affairs with many ceremonies that stretch out over 4-5 days! So it involves among other things dressing up! Clothes, jewellery and all that bling are some of the highlights of an Indian shaadi. And in the midst of all this I shall be packing, giving away or discarding bit by bit, of what is left of the evidence of my life in India. I shall leave here with fond memories, some captured for posterity in photographs and many more cocooned in the recesses of my heart. I shall go with a fresh canvas to paint a bigger picture, a more complete one with my children and grandchild/grandchildren. A new chapter of joy.


I send out good wishes to all my blog members and hope you have a good year.


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Ring Out The Old, Ring In The New

Shivering, yes I was shivering inside of me. Partly from the cold which resulted from an unusually freezing winter for our part of the country, but it wasn't only the cold the wall clock told me as it merrily ticked in the New Year. I couldn’t understand it. I was experiencing a mixed bag of feelings as I hugged a few friends who had especially driven up to wish me, knowing that I would be all alone. My heart was like a huge jumble sale, there was every kind of feeling bunched up there...I just dug in a pulled out whatever I needed; a warm glow, a radiant face mask, just the right gestures or an appropriate answer...anything! So while I was aware of gratitude for a year of God’s grace, thoughtful friends, relatively good health, blessings showered on our family, I couldn’t be free of the lurking “something” that I couldn’t identify. Whichever way I tried to explain it, I wasn’t really putting my finger on a satisfactory explanation. Finally, I gave up and decided to just be.


At my keypad the next morning, I typed out: “What I want right now is a long itinerary of fabulous places to travel to – confirmed tickets (executive class) reservations complete at each destination in comfortable resorts/ hotels/ home-stays...whatever spells beauty, leisure, fun, goodness, fabulous! Money enough and more to not worry about how and where; a travel companion with loads of humour, travel experience, confidence, thoughtfulness, patience, gumption and no fiscal problems; a person of honour and excellent character...in short a fairy tale being!!!!”


Travel seemed to hit a key. Restlessness, I needed to move. I don’t seem to belong to any one place – I belong to all places. I think that’s the only way I can fit into this world and its peoples. Was there a gypsy ancestor? If there was, I haven’t heard of it! But if facts be faced I’ve been a gypsy since I was born in a hospital by the sea-side; numerous moves due to dad’s postings, hubby’s job transfers, single parent on the move with job and residence shifts, trying to make a go of it, and every effort to settle down going in vain. I am a gypsy and by no conscious design. That’s all in a light vein!


Seriously, it takes on the garb of transformation in a different, more interesting way in these lines by Elizabeth Gilbert in the novel Eat, Pray, Love:
“I find the Augusteum so reassuring, that this structure has had such an erratic career, yet always adjusted to the particular wildness of the times. To me the Augusteum is like a person who’s led a totally crazy life – who maybe started out as a housewife, then unexpectedly became a widow, then took up fan dancing to make money, ended up somehow as the first female dentist in outer space, and then tried her hand at national politics – yet who has managed to hold an intact sense of herself throughout every upheaval.”


I have not been chaotic. However chaotic circumstances and situations have brought about “changes that nobody, least of all I, had anticipated.” Time has been the gypsy moving through my life. And I still wouldn’t like to say: “Time you old gypsy man will you not stay? Put up your caravan just for one day...?”


It definitely is going to be a very fruitful, satisfying year!


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